From Zero to...Two Many?

Over a month ago, I was single and not even expecting to be with someone anytime soon. Then, I fell in love with SBMWSRN (Sexy Black Man Who Shall Remain Nameless).  It's been a complicated situation because he has a girlfriend. I struggled for a little bit over whether I should continue the relationship, and decided WHY THE HELL NOT? I've been living as a quiet, safe, well behaving girl this whole time. I need a change.

I recently started talking to my ex again.  I guess we made up, though never of us really apologized for what happened, it seemed like we were able to just pick up exactly where we left off, like nothing ever happened. I would have never thought I would talk to him again or even be able to forgive him, but I guess I have. I'm not sure why, but it seems I have a different attitude about a lot of things lately, especially relationships. So, now I'm seeing him again. And yes, I am also still seeing SBMWSRN. Neither of them know about the other.  I'm not really sure what to do, or who to pick. I'm going to wait it out and see what happens. It's strange that SBMWSRN is seeing me behind his girlfriend's back, and I'm seeing my ex behind SBMWSRN's back, and ex is seeing me behind his girlfriend's back. Yes, I am the 'other woman' in both situations. A giant clusterfuck of lying...this has become my social life.

Oddly enough, I actually feel comfortable being the other woman instead of the girlfriend. I've been so fearful of relationships my whole life because I've never had a real, positive relationship with anyone (even familial).
The good thing about this is that I can stop it whenever I want. In reality, I'm in control of the situation. I decide what I do and don't do. I kind of like it that way.