Memory Fail

Something happened tonight that was a real eye opener for me.

I was heating up some left over ham and rice in a pan on the stove. It was done in under ten minutes, and I put it on a plate and ate it. Later on, I went to reach for something on the wall towards the back of the stove, and felt the heat of the coil on my arm. I had forgotten to shut the stove top off. I had left it on high for God knows how long. Something could have caught fire. No fires occurred, but it's still scary.

I wouldn't be worried if this was a once-occurring incident, but for the last three months my memory has gone to shit. I started forgetting names. I spent over an hour one night trying to remember the last name of someone who I have known for over five years. I brushed it off and attributed it to being tired, but I continued to have the same problem. I'll be having conversations with people and forget what I was going to say in the middle of my sentence. I forget words randomly and find myself describing them to people instead.  I will go somewhere specific and forget why I've gone or what I'm supposed to do. I thought it would go away, but the problems seem to just be getting worse. It's frustrating to me, and it adds a tremendous amount of stress to my already over-stressed life.

One of my friends jokes around that I'm an old lady because I piss my pants, occasionally use a cane (when my arthritis is bad), can't breathe right, and can't remember anything. One night she told me I had "nothing to look forward to." I'm not sure if she was joking or being serious, but either way it hurt.  When you think about it, she's right. As we age, health declines, not improves. If I'm functioning like this at 24, what the hell am I going to be like at 34, 44, and 54? I don't even want to think about it.