So I'm Not A Financial Genius

I admit it; I've made most of my financial decisions based on my heart and not my head.

I've been working since I graduated the 8th grade. I made decent money (I actually earned more money per hour when I was 14 than I earned with my most recent job at age 19) and had good hours, weekends off, and very low stress. All of the money I earned over the three years I worked as a daycare assistant manager either went back to the children I took care of or to my family, who always claimed to be financially strapped. I didn't know any better at 14. I didn't have any financial burdens, I wore Catholic School uniforms five days out of the week, and had a few outfits from K-Mart that I wore on the weekends, so I never really needed to buy anything.  I didn't think I would become a constant money train for my family.

Ever since I was an infant, my grandmother had always given me savings bonds for my birthday. She never gave the real ones, though. She'd make a copy of the bond and put it in a card, so I (and more so my parents) would not be able to spend it. When I turned 18, I got all of the savings bonds she had bought for me the last 17 years. I cashed them at the bank, and received well over $3,000. A week later, the money was gone. My mother needed it because there was a "financial emergency" and I was the only one with the money to help. I couldn't say no, so she took the money. I never saw it again.

During my first year of college, I was bombarded with credit card applications. It was November, Christmas was coming, and I needed some extra money. I applied for a Citibank card and was instantly approved for $2,000. I made the mistake of revealing it to my family.  BIG MISTAKE. My mother ended up going on a shopping spree with my card, buying gifts for people that didn't even care about her, expensive meals, and within a month, the card was maxed out. I never saw that money, either.

Later during my first year in college, my father's heart disease worsened. My mother was putting pressure on me to get a job (I chose to take a break from working to focus on studies) so I can support the family. I switched my school schedule to two 9 hour days a week so I could work the other five days at what is now my current job at a well-known retail store.  I paid for groceries, electricity, and basic necessities for the household.  Eventually, I dropped out of college the next year and ended up working more hours. I spent the extra money on myself, but was criticized for not helping the family. By this time, I was still paying off the now over $3,000 in credit card debt my mom left in my name (and FTR, I am still paying it off today). I felt bad, and instead gave my money to her. I assumed she was paying bills with it.

For the past two years, my family has had the electricity shut off at least a dozen times. At one point, my mother was five months behind on the electric bill, and couldn't understand why they kept shutting us off. Of course, the electric company demanded money in order for the power to be turned back on, and of course, no one had money but me. I regretfully paid the bill, numerous times, because I didn't want to be criticized for not helping the family. After a few times, I started getting pissed off. I saw my mother going on shopping sprees, spending hundreds of dollars on shoes and clothes, and then having the electricity shut off a week later. My mother got the call at work that the power was shut off. She then called me to the office, and in front of everyone, asked me to borrow the money. I said no. She then started her crying routine and made everyone think I was a bitch for not helping out my family. It was at this point that I started hiding my money by giving it to someone else, so I wouldn't have to feel bad when I told my family that I didn't have money, because, well, I really didn't have the money.

I also failed to mention that I loaned over $500 to a coworker because she needed to pay her rent and buy groceries. The loan was almost two years ago. I have yet to receive a penny or even a Thank You card back. Apparently I owe her an apology for telling other people that she owes me money. Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather NOT apologize. I should be apologizing to myself for being an idiot and loaning out that much money.

Now that I think about it, it makes me angry that thousands of my hard earned dollars I will never see again. Sure, most of that is my fault. I've heard "I told you so" a hundred times. I just haven't learned the lesson yet. I can't be a genius at everything.