I get it now...

I think I understand now why they say it's not a good idea to date your coworkers.

I've continued my relationship with the SBMWSRN. To my surprise, we've successfully kept the relationship a secret from everyone. It's been difficult to say the least. I have to see him almost every day and pretend that we're just acquaintances. I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I have a feeling that, no matter what happens, it's not going to end well.

There a lot of nights (this one included) that I stay up and ask myself what the hell I'm doing. At first, I thought I'd be okay with the whole setup of this situation. He has a girlfriend...a girlfriend that is serious enough that they live together. So from the beginning I should have known that I was never going to be his girlfriend. I did know that. I just never expected to develop such strong feelings for him. The more time I spend with him, the stronger the feelings get, and the more I fall in love with him.

I'm at a point now where I feel like if I continue the relationship, it's going to break my heart. So, I'll end it. But wait...I can't just end it. I work with him. I have to see him everyday. I'm not going to be able to handle my feelings for him, if I stay with him or not. I can't erase him fro, my life completely. If I could, then this wouldn't even be an issue.

I applied for several jobs today. I told people it was because my hours were cut at work (which they were, but money is not really an issue enough for that to mater). The truth is that I really need to escape this situation. I don't want us to get caught and get both of us in serious trouble. I don't want to have to think about him every day. I don't want to get hurt. I don't really know any other way to handle it.